I don't know what's bothering me tonight..but I feel like there's something wrong. I feel like I don't know myself now..as if I'm someone lost behind. It's as if I'm naked standing amidst the crowd and everyone's looking and whispering something..like they are all judging me. It feels like many eyes look at me now..and the spotlight is on with me.It's as if I'm summoned by something. I don't really understand why do I feel this way. And I hate it--completely hate it. I want to run away but I can't move. My feet are nailed on the ground. I can feel cold wing from within. I'm alone. I feel so alone tonight. And it seems like nothing's right.
How I wish I could make the hands of time move counterclockwise. How I wish I can return the past. How I wish. What happened to me? I don't know. Well, sort of, like I left my soul at the past. There are so many things that I can't let go. I'm afraid of doing so cause I might regret it. I'm scared of what would be left within me if I let go. I'm afraid that I might lose myself. I always believed in something that I know do not exist, something impossible...and very unrealistic. And I fear to see the day that reality would knock me out. I'm afraid that everything I believe would one day be too impossible for me.
Yeah. I'm still hoping for something to happen. Believing that in my faithful yearning, what I hoped for would happen. But now's the day I feared the most..to realize that everything I've been fighting for..I've been hoping for.. I've been holding on..is far TOO IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME. Faith had answered me and it's telling me to stop. For how many years have I loved him. It took me more than ten years to realize this. That I am only living in a dream I made..and I created him in my mind.
He is not real. The guy I secretly love for about 11 years is not real. He is just a product of my imagination. My fantasy. And I was never a part of his world. Not even now. He lives in my mind. Who I think he is is not really him. I pictured him perfectly..far from being real.
And I need to wake up in this dream. I have to open my eyes for realities. Reality--the thing I am most afraid to face.
How I wish I could make the hands of time move counterclockwise. How I wish I can return the past. How I wish. What happened to me? I don't know. Well, sort of, like I left my soul at the past. There are so many things that I can't let go. I'm afraid of doing so cause I might regret it. I'm scared of what would be left within me if I let go. I'm afraid that I might lose myself. I always believed in something that I know do not exist, something impossible...and very unrealistic. And I fear to see the day that reality would knock me out. I'm afraid that everything I believe would one day be too impossible for me.
Yeah. I'm still hoping for something to happen. Believing that in my faithful yearning, what I hoped for would happen. But now's the day I feared the most..to realize that everything I've been fighting for..I've been hoping for.. I've been holding on..is far TOO IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME. Faith had answered me and it's telling me to stop. For how many years have I loved him. It took me more than ten years to realize this. That I am only living in a dream I made..and I created him in my mind.
He is not real. The guy I secretly love for about 11 years is not real. He is just a product of my imagination. My fantasy. And I was never a part of his world. Not even now. He lives in my mind. Who I think he is is not really him. I pictured him perfectly..far from being real.
And I need to wake up in this dream. I have to open my eyes for realities. Reality--the thing I am most afraid to face.
